unless you are suffering from EXTREMELY serious short term memory loss, you probably can tell from the title of this post that I’m in 7th grade. And, for all of you 7th graders or going-to-be-7th-graders, or even for curious non-7th graders/7th grade graduates, I decided to let you in on a not so top secret. I am having a great year so far in what is supposed to be a year of horror.
I know some of that’s luck, but here are the top 10 ways of Surviving Seventh Grade:
- Have a group of 2 or 3 close friends that are in lots of your classes. Give yourselves a cute nickname. Mine is NASA, because my name is Naomi, and my friends’ first names start with A, S, and A, so we came up with NASA. Our slogans are: “It’s not rocket science! It’s just NASA!” and “It’s like the old NASA, but girlier.” With your friends, attempt movie like things like 4 way high fives, autographing your hands, and talking about crazy stuff.
- Have a crush on an insanely cute guy, who likes you back. It helps if you have lots of classes together.
- Flirt with this insanely cute guy. (who shall go nameless, because I want to respect his privacy and blah blah blah, and also cuz I’d die of embarrassment if he found out that a zillion people were reading about how I totally love him blah blah blah. anyway, you get it.) It helps if you have lots of classes together.
- During lunch, while being served cooked veggies that smell, taste, and look like vomit, make whimsical comments about how just because they serve us that watery, stringy stuff doesn’t mean we’ll eat it.
- Make walrus teeth (by biting off the ends of french fries and sticking them over your canines. This crazy thing was what your mom and her brother invented) at your group of friends and across the room at the aforementioned crush, (The girls and boys have separate sides of the room, idk why, it is 2012, but oh well.)who laughs so hard that the cafeteria monitor with that crazy, whiny voice looks at you funny. This is amusing not only to you and your crush-who-likes-you-back, but to your friends.
- Spend the rest of the lunch talking about how he keeps looking at you and looking away and making faces and whispering to his friend, forgetting that you are doing the same thing.
- Pass notes constantly. To your equivalent of NASA only, because otherwise someone will tell on you, which sucks.
- Have your math/homeroom/intervention teacher love you. (Intervention= extended homeroom around lunch.) This is great, because she won’t ask you to stop whispering
so much.as much. Also, if you did 7th grade math last year, and get good grades, she’ll like you even more.
- Complain constantly that the bathroom doors need locks. This is a therapeutic strategy invented by Ghandi who was seeking a non-violent way to express frustration about lack of privacy, but made famous by middle school girls.
- And lastly, have fun! Write lists of awesome names at your school. (There are always some cool names. Everywhere.) Draw pictures of those annoying girls noses. Ponder why all the kids on the cover of textbooks are doing something athletic. (I mean, come on. I’m totally going to swim laps cuz the girl on my math book is! Not.) Enjoy life. Hate homework.