Thank you all for coming to my bar/bat mitzvah. It really means a lot to me that you all are here.
My parsha is Parsha __________. In Parsha __________, ____________ (Insert biblical hero here. If in doubt, use Moses.) talks to ___________ (insert wise authority figure here, usually God) and learns about ________. I think this relates to ___________ (some trivial thing, eg. a homework assignment) because when I had to ___________, I felt like __________. (Hero.) (insert a few sentences summarizing parsha and situation) It also relates to my mitzvah project. For my mitzvah project, I
relentlessly begged my relatives collected funds for __________(insert a charity here.) I really felt like a good Jew when I saw a photo of __________ (who/whatever the charity helps).
There are a lot of people I want to thank today. I want to thank Rabbi _________ and Cantor ________ for helping me with my studies. I want to thank my parents for always being there for me. I want to thank my sister(s)/brother(s) ________, (insert names here.) Even though you mostly annoy me, deep, deep, deep. deep inside, I actually love you! (Insert laugh track here) I also want to thank my Uncle Joe for flying in from Canada and my Great-Aunt Bessie and her family for driving from Florida! I also want to thank everyone who flew here for taking time to be here with ME! (Laugh track) But seriously, I love you guys. Without you, I am nothing.
Thanks again everyone for being here on my special day. Shabbat Shalom.
Please join us for musaf on page _____.